I got promoted and I didn't even know. Wow. How awesome is that?
I can't wait for this weekend, and I miss some people back up north SO SO MUCH. It drives me nuts. At least now I know I can party hardy with them. Yeayuh party hardy.
I have a research paper I'm supposed to be doing, but what I I doing instead of that? DS. Yea. Video games. I'm such a friggin nerd. I hope I snap out of that. Hopefully.
My weeks are so routine now. Anything that deviates from that normalcy is something to be excited about. It's kind of sad that this is what it's been reduced to, but it's true. Still, fun's fun I guess.
Well, back to the DS, XDXD
And the wind brought Clive @ 12:55 AM
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Thursday, May 22, 2008 |
There's someone I think of. I don't think of him very often, but whenever I have time to sit here and mull over things, he always comes up. In fact, I'm downright avoidant of all things about him. I can't stand being around him because I turn into somebody I'm not, and I don't think with my head. I've tried not to think about it for the longest time, but I just can't seem to get him out of my mind. It's been almost 3 years since he first became a subject of obsession, and hell, he knows all about it. I'm scared and I'm frustrated. I'm scared because I've felt like this before, and last time didn't turn out so good for me. I'm frustrated because something inside is telling me that it's exactly what's happening. I hate the way emotions and all this shit works. I don't like losing control of myself. I just hate being like this.
Victor, I'm not letting you turn into a second Kai. My mind tells me I need to avoid you for the rest of my life...but I know my body's not gonna cooperate. One of these days, our mutual friends are gonna call us out to chill, and I'll be there acting like there's absolutely nothing wrong with anything. And when I get home, I'll sit in a corner somewhere, in the home I don't even recognize anymore, and mope like a fucking loser. I want to cry it all out, but somehow I doubt that's going to happen. Even I think that's a pansy way to deal with it. I really, really hate myself.
Work sickens me. Either it kicks ass because Jason, Daniel, Jon, Maddy, Grecie, and Carlos are there, or it friggin' blows because they're not. It's nice to be able to forget about things, blank out, and just robot for 8 hours for some good money. My new awesome friends and co-workers: you make/break my week. I love coming in to work with you guys. Just felt like I had to get that out there, in black and white. I feel like I've found a real niche in a point in my life where things like this are harder and harder to come by.
Things are awesome. Things are shitty. It's pretty extreme, but I'm going to trudge on I guess.
"Live life as happily as you can, Clive. Do it for me."
You got it, Kai. Despite everything else, I do it for you. I didn't post on your birthday this year, sorry. I didn't forget. It's been 5 years and some since you left JJ, left Sam, Bry, and Raphe, and me. You would have been 21 this year. We would have had such a blast. So what did I do that day? I got fucking wasted. For me, AND for you. It's always gonna be for you. Peace, man. It's all yours.
Chronic Future makes me think of the people that are important in my life. I need to listen to them more often. It's also fucking 5AM, so I think I need to sleep now. I've been awake and rambling long enough...
Something tells me I'll wake up tomorrow morening and wonder why I'm being all emo. I'm always like this. Stupid emo little me.
And the wind brought Clive @ 4:22 AM
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Tuesday, May 20, 2008 |
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