I've never felt this way before. It's strange. Like I'm pathologically conscience free, and making decisions based on pure logic, with gains and losses. This is the inciting incident, and these are the dilemmas I've contemplated in the last 10 minutes.
Bao and I have been planning to go out to explore this 24 hour Walmart. Fabulously planned, though never at an hour before 00:00. How I would love to lift at one of those. Now it was roughly 1: 40 something when he called, so I figured, hell, why not? It's not like I'll be doing anything else all day long. Or rather, all night long, but that's irrelevant. And then the glaring opposition. I thought the parentals would be cool with it. As the way that things usually go, it's not the parentalS that weren't cool with it, it was a parental. Singular. And of course, it had to be her royal highness.
She presented me with several dilemmas, several of which, after a grueling mental bout with myself, am glad to oblige.
YuGiOh! has been a major part of my life for many years, I've gone through judging, playing, and hell, I've been throwing vast amounts of money into this game. She threatened to "throw away all my cards." Now I ask myself. I'm weighing my options. These are the logical steps, though probably biased to another's point of view, that I would like to take. She gave birth to me why? What is the core purpose of a human being? To live out a human life. Fine, I'm doing that. I have to make responsible decisions. Sure, while leaving at 1:40 something AM isn't at all conventional, it is inherently the purpose of a 24 hour Walmart. If it were a normal Walmart, there wouldn't be any purpose of going past 1 o'clock. So, it is perfectly logical to say that leaving for a 24 hour Walmart is perfectly responsible action past 12 o'clock. This excursion also allowed me to hang out with Kevin, someone who I normally would not be able to hang out with under any other circumstances. It's rare that 3 guys of decently twisted lives and minds could get together in one car and drive off in the darkness of the night. That sounded corny, and slightly homosexual. Whatever. Now, the factors I see in this are social interactions and good old fashion fun with a dash of stress relief. If I end up buying some crap and saving a little money, fun. My parent threatens to take away my precious YuGiOh! cards to not hang out with my friends. She also threatens to remove the internet from this computer. That's all well and good. If I had to trade the internet and YuGiOh cards for my friends, I'd take my friends anyday. Not joking at all. Friends > YuGiOh. If I have to sell all of my YuGiOh cards and take away my internet so that I could hang out with my friends, so be it.
The second branched argument would be what "responsible" people do. Of course, that was already a part of the previous argument so the whole "taking away privileges" thing would be repetitive. However, it brings up another point. What was she trying to accomplish by having me? raise me into a fine human being? If I had to go through her to make every decision of my own, how would I ever grow up whole and be a a human being who can clearly say I can make my own decisions? Such a contradictory principle.
I'm over it now. Bao helped me realize that even had I won, given up those privileges, I would have been cheated out of them anyway. I only felt like I lost this fight because I gave in. I'm never one for giving in. But, I have conceded on this occasion to "cut the losses" per se. This apathy thing is really great for my mentality. It's affecting my judgment in strange ways. One of these days, I'm going to get the psych professors at UCI examine me. I'm sure I ahve a problem or two tucked away somewhere that I may or may not already be aware of. Today, I've trekked way off course on this beaten path, but I've finally found some eyes to see where I'm going.
And the wind brought Clive @ 2:08 AM
|
Saturday, December 29, 2007 |
