I like to juxtapose my thoughts.
I'm a wreck. A total wreck.
It took me so much to tear myself away.
It took me so much to admit to myself it wasn't mine to have.
So I threw whatever I had away, I've had it.
Somehow, I dragged myself out. Somehow.
Then I went and fell again. Fell right again.
Why do I do these things to myself?
I'm weak and I'm ignorant. Bad combination.
I'm a shameless fool. Even worse combination.
I'm totally inept at seeing what I've wanted from other people.
I'm impulsive. Love is impulsive. Life is impulsive.
What a striking combination indeed.
It's a tree and a branch, you say?
Yea, and then some.
I hate my own attitude.
I hate the person I've become.
You told me to be myself, to be original, to be happy.
I'm trying, seriously!
Can you see me right now?
Can you see me even if I don't believe in Heaven or Hell?
Can't you see the person I've become?
Aren't you proud of me?
And you, can you ever forgive me?
I've done it again, I know. I know you hate me, and it'll never stop.
I just know. Even if death absolves all sins, I'm not dead yet.
I don't plan to be.
I don't WANT to be.
That's selfish, I know. But can you spare this wreck of a soul some mercy?
I came. I loved. I grieved. I leave a piece of me behind each time.
I'm running out of pieces.
Everything closes in. Immesurable.
I still feel everything, but I'm only feeling pain right now.
You? Weak? I'm moreso than you.
You. Fool? I'm moreso than you.
You! Naive? Yes. Innocent? Oh so much.
But the fact remains I'm weaker and more foolish than you.
All of you.
I'm the weakest link in everything, huh?
I hate the person I've become, though I can't say I hate my life.
What a hypocrite.
I'm just that kind of person.
Take it or leave it, world. Take it or leave it.
I think I'll leave, thanks. So you can't even take me in.
I'm just like that.
You're right, I was stupid, I went about it too quickly.
I want to kill myself for doing it now.
But really. How was I supposed to contain myself any longer?
My life, my love, my being. Impulsive.
I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry.
I have so much apologizing to do.
So, so much apologizing to do.
One: For you, who I first fell in love with, my oh so naive self.
Two: For you, who told me to be original, to made me into what I am.
I still follow your sage words today.
I hope you're smiling at me.
Three: For you, who I unwittingly betrayed. I apologize.
My heart was pure, my intentions not quite so.
Overlook my moment of insolence, I beg you.
Of all the people I apologize to, I apologize to you the most.
I beg for your eternal forgiveness. May I have damnation till then.
Four: For you who I unwittingly used. I apologize.
My heart was still pure, and this time, as penance, so were my intentions.
Five: For you, whose innocence and naivete I came to adore.
You had my heart, on it's rusting chains.
You had my soul, in its tattered garbs.
Though I'll never be your anything.
So I'm letting you go. I set you free.
And it's fine by me.
Six: For you whom I've befriended, and connected with.
I now know my place. I apologize for intruding into a two person tango.
Seven: For you to whom I confessed. I apologize.
I'm so weak, so naive. Forgive me too, for my moment of impulse.
There's so much I wanted to say, but it all came down to something so simple.
It came down to something so forced.
I hate myself for making it like this. I hate forcing you to make the choice.
You now have my heart, and might as well, soul.
I apologize for forcing them into your hands.
To you Seven, I ask that you accept my apology.
I hate me for all that I pull onto myself.
The broken shards are on the floor.
And so am I.
GonE.
And the wind brought Clive @ 6:49 PM
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005 |
