Windswept Life

Am I a cloud in the Sky?
Blown by the wind.
Up so high...
Maybe it's why I like the rain so much.
It brings me back down to earth.

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Damn...I know the world is unfair, but why does it have to be so extreme?

I try my best, i have a positive mind set, but all in all, it it just a self-destructive path?

Fuck originality, everywhere. Let the world rot or something, I care not. At least not anymore. Go ahead, fail. Whatever. I don't feel like feeling anymore, is there an on/off switch? If there's really a god, which I seriously doubt, he's one fucked up son of a bitch.

Listen to some Eason, he's awesome. If there's one singer that I wouldn't mind idolizing, Eason would be it, since he's not flashy, glamourous, or controversial. He's raw talent, just not Josh Groban-eww-ness.

GonE


  And the wind brought Clive @ 4:43 PM

Monday, September 19, 2005  

 
It occurs to me that there're some things in life that are inevitable.

I don't want to point any fingers.

I won't name any names.

But some people have just...drifted off.

I don't like to tell people things that make me sound like I'm supposed to be pitied over. But I suppose since this ultimately is the point of my post anyway, might as well.

It's hard for me to make friends. I have a hard-pressed belief that in order to be somebody, I have to be somebody unique. Call it an epiphany, call it getting my head out of my ass. Call it waht you will. I'm a drifter amongst the people. Where some people have one group of friends, some have 2 different ones, I have something like 6 or 7. I have groups of people that only know other "groups" as acquaintances and could care less about them. And guess what? I'm the weird drifter. People take me in because I'm unusual and I seem to like and hate half and half of everything the specific group likes or hates. Do I seem like I want pity? It's come to a point where I'm so confused at where I stand, that I'd rather be Nihilist and fuck the world.

Coming back to the point at hand, getting this attitude, I can't help but feel attached to some of my older friends. There's some of you I've known since grade school that I'm still friends with now. It stings when you become distant. It pisses me off when you don't understand me. It makes me seethe when you phase me out, and I don't say anything. Unless it's something that infracts on some part of my deranged psyche, I'll usually stay silent, nodding, smiling, doing the whole nice guy act. I'm fake, I know. I'm hypocritical, I know that too. Everytime one of your guys pull away, I lean towards my other, totally-not-related-to-you-in-any-way friends. Natural instinct, really, I really have drifter instincts. The thing is, when I actually process these things, like I'm doing now, I find that the more you guys drift away, the more I start realizing how I actually start hating you. Hate is an extreme word, and it's definitely the wrong wording here. But right now my fried brain can churn out no more sophisticated vocabulary. I hate you for leaving me behind, for going off and ignoring me. And I realize one main fact (this is the actual ephiphany part of this program, children): because of my eclectic self, I have good, old friends that will indubitably move in different directions, and I can do nothing to change it, being the soon-to-be-Nihilist that I am. So:

If you don't think of me as a significant being anymore, neither will I, no matter how good a friend I thought you were, and no matter how much it'll sting to lose you as a friend, good bye, it's been great, but I won't stop you from becoming who you'll be. Good luck with that. Ciao. Au Revoir. Sayonara. Adios. Adeus. Arrivederci. Auf Wiedersehen. Good. Bye.

It's time I striaghtened myself out with the rest of my social life, however fucked up it is.

It's fucking 2:30...I''ve got a splitting headache. Go me.

GonE


  And the wind brought Clive @ 2:33 AM

Sunday, September 18, 2005  

 
Wow, I really need to post more. I haven't posted in a while, primarily because I've been really busy, hell, I'm busy now, writing my Chinese paper. But anyhow. I'll post more later, when I'm done, or when i wake up tomoro morning. Whatever.

GonE


  And the wind brought Clive @ 12:43 AM

Saturday, September 17, 2005  

 
This is so amusing...

Deanna: Wait, so you're bi?!
Me: Yea...Got a problem with it?
D: No...
Jason: What?! I just got owned...

DECA is so interesting nowadays isn't it...

GonE


  And the wind brought Clive @ 1:03 PM

Thursday, September 08, 2005  

 
Oh dude, this is awesome, and it's so me...

~*~Result nr 10~*~


Your power is: Time Control


Explanation: You have the ability to
freeze, push forward or go back in time. In
good purposes it is used to prevent bad deeds,
and the opposite for evil purposes.
As a person your emotional level has been on
hold. For one reason or another emotions has
reduced and now you aren't so full of life. And
of course, this does not sadden you since you
could care less. Sometimes though you can be
hit by emotioal waves inside but you block it
all out. You don't search for something that
could make you happy since you have no hope in
that area any longer. People probably see you
as annoying because you're not involved and
just stand there. You probably don't have that
many friends either, and you feel like you are
with them because that's what you normally do.
You stick to your habits and don't appreciate
changes.
Negative aspects: One day all emotions
are gonna surface again, and that day will be
very painful. Instead it is more wise to start
up the emotional level bit by bit, so it won't
come as a big shock.


What Power is Compatible With You?
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Anyhow. I've neglected to post for a while now, and I think I'll continue to do so. I'll post something new this weekend, since AP French kills me. Ja ne.

GonE


  And the wind brought Clive @ 5:54 PM

Wednesday, September 07, 2005  
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