Damn...I know the world is unfair, but why does it have to be so extreme?
I try my best, i have a positive mind set, but all in all, it it just a self-destructive path?
Fuck originality, everywhere. Let the world rot or something, I care not. At least not anymore. Go ahead, fail. Whatever. I don't feel like feeling anymore, is there an on/off switch? If there's really a god, which I seriously doubt, he's one fucked up son of a bitch.
Listen to some Eason, he's awesome. If there's one singer that I wouldn't mind idolizing, Eason would be it, since he's not flashy, glamourous, or controversial. He's raw talent, just not Josh Groban-eww-ness.
GonE
And the wind brought Clive @ 4:43 PM
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Monday, September 19, 2005 |
It occurs to me that there're some things in life that are inevitable.
I don't want to point any fingers.
I won't name any names.
But some people have just...drifted off.
I don't like to tell people things that make me sound like I'm supposed to be pitied over. But I suppose since this ultimately is the point of my post anyway, might as well.
It's hard for me to make friends. I have a hard-pressed belief that in order to be somebody, I have to be somebody unique. Call it an epiphany, call it getting my head out of my ass. Call it waht you will. I'm a drifter amongst the people. Where some people have one group of friends, some have 2 different ones, I have something like 6 or 7. I have groups of people that only know other "groups" as acquaintances and could care less about them. And guess what? I'm the weird drifter. People take me in because I'm unusual and I seem to like and hate half and half of everything the specific group likes or hates. Do I seem like I want pity? It's come to a point where I'm so confused at where I stand, that I'd rather be Nihilist and fuck the world.
Coming back to the point at hand, getting this attitude, I can't help but feel attached to some of my older friends. There's some of you I've known since grade school that I'm still friends with now. It stings when you become distant. It pisses me off when you don't understand me. It makes me seethe when you phase me out, and I don't say anything. Unless it's something that infracts on some part of my deranged psyche, I'll usually stay silent, nodding, smiling, doing the whole nice guy act. I'm fake, I know. I'm hypocritical, I know that too. Everytime one of your guys pull away, I lean towards my other, totally-not-related-to-you-in-any-way friends. Natural instinct, really, I really have drifter instincts. The thing is, when I actually process these things, like I'm doing now, I find that the more you guys drift away, the more I start realizing how I actually start hating you. Hate is an extreme word, and it's definitely the wrong wording here. But right now my fried brain can churn out no more sophisticated vocabulary. I hate you for leaving me behind, for going off and ignoring me. And I realize one main fact (this is the actual ephiphany part of this program, children): because of my eclectic self, I have good, old friends that will indubitably move in different directions, and I can do nothing to change it, being the soon-to-be-Nihilist that I am. So:
If you don't think of me as a significant being anymore, neither will I, no matter how good a friend I thought you were, and no matter how much it'll sting to lose you as a friend, good bye, it's been great, but I won't stop you from becoming who you'll be. Good luck with that. Ciao. Au Revoir. Sayonara. Adios. Adeus. Arrivederci. Auf Wiedersehen. Good. Bye.
It's time I striaghtened myself out with the rest of my social life, however fucked up it is.
It's fucking 2:30...I''ve got a splitting headache. Go me.
GonE
And the wind brought Clive @ 2:33 AM
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Sunday, September 18, 2005 |
Wow, I really need to post more. I haven't posted in a while, primarily because I've been really busy, hell, I'm busy now, writing my Chinese paper. But anyhow. I'll post more later, when I'm done, or when i wake up tomoro morning. Whatever.
GonE
And the wind brought Clive @ 12:43 AM
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Saturday, September 17, 2005 |
This is so amusing...
Deanna: Wait, so you're bi?! Me: Yea...Got a problem with it? D: No... Jason: What?! I just got owned...
DECA is so interesting nowadays isn't it...
GonE
And the wind brought Clive @ 1:03 PM
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Thursday, September 08, 2005 |
Oh dude, this is awesome, and it's so me...
~*~Result nr 10~*~
 Your power is: Time Control
Explanation: You have the ability to freeze, push forward or go back in time. In good purposes it is used to prevent bad deeds, and the opposite for evil purposes. As a person your emotional level has been on hold. For one reason or another emotions has reduced and now you aren't so full of life. And of course, this does not sadden you since you could care less. Sometimes though you can be hit by emotioal waves inside but you block it all out. You don't search for something that could make you happy since you have no hope in that area any longer. People probably see you as annoying because you're not involved and just stand there. You probably don't have that many friends either, and you feel like you are with them because that's what you normally do. You stick to your habits and don't appreciate changes. Negative aspects: One day all emotions are gonna surface again, and that day will be very painful. Instead it is more wise to start up the emotional level bit by bit, so it won't come as a big shock.
What Power is Compatible With You? brought to you by Quizilla
Anyhow. I've neglected to post for a while now, and I think I'll continue to do so. I'll post something new this weekend, since AP French kills me. Ja ne.
GonE
And the wind brought Clive @ 5:54 PM
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005 |
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