";_;" this is so hard for me... im going through a moral crisis right now... it's like, everything i've built up to, from me starting to develop who i am, to now, have something shattering me, right here, right now...it's so hard...
how many people out there are religious? many, many people out there believe in some higher power, and i don't deny that i do myself. i don't believe in god, hell, i think it's retarded that people follow what a lil book say. and yea, im dissing religion, but hey, i have my own to live by. stupid, sure, but i have my own lil "religion" of sorts. i don't pray to it, i don't convert, i don't care about what people say, it's just the way i live. it's time for a briefing in clive-ism
here's my train of thought, not really a religion since there's no set diety, just a set of morals and ideals, like confucianism. i believe that all people have a perfect life intended for them, and that if we made all the right choices, that would be living the ultimate, perfect life. look at this as a straight line if you will. if all the choices you make in life lead you down that striaght line, you would have lived the ultimate life. however, humans aren't perfect, and walking down that totally straight line is not possible, i repeat, impossible. no one in this world is perfect. there's nothing we can do about other people's feelings, their emotions, their beliefs. every choice we make, albeit a good one or a bad one, leads to a splinter in that one main, straight, line. furthurmore, we can treat you "lifeline" as an infinitisimal amount of points, and those would be your choices. all are points in which can splinter you from the ultimate life. imagine yourself at the beginning of your own lifeline. you can't make choices right as you're born, so until you can, your lifeline will be perfectly straight, since it's not something you control. as soon as you can, however, that's when things splinter. now, your life line already exists, it's something predetermined, therefore, i believe in fate, not destiny, and this is where the higher power comes in. the one that creates this ulltimate life for us. say you we're suppose to have a couple million dollars by the time you're 50. but one day, when you're twenty something, you win the lottery, and get the couple million dollars that you were supposed to have at 50. this isn't your perfect life. why?? because of what you missed in between. by winning that money early, some choices would have had to divert you off to another line and cross the perfect lifeline. you did get your money, but sice you're no longer on your perfect lifeline, you will continue to swerve back and forth between your choices until you finally come back onto the line. we now continue to love and marrige and all that crap. as we all know, we're not the only frucking people on the face of this earth! we interact with people, and i'll be damned, they effect us in unpredictable ways. the way that other people are represented is this: a network of connected lines. so, say you found your soulmate, that would be the life line thatintersects yours, and moves along your perfect lifeline. you both would still make your own choices, but the two perfect lifelines will always stay side by side.
as far as briefing goes, i think that would be good, i explained more than half of it, all that's left is a diagram and a couple of details, but anyways, to the root of my problems...
all lines are straight, albeit in one way or another. the final part of the problem would be "how do perfect lifelines combine with each other if they are all going the same direction, i mean, if the line isn't straight anymore, it's not going to be the perfect life for one of you." and my answer would simply be, lines are all straight at an angle. we can see our life line as a straight line, but haven't you heard "life has it's ups and downs" before? my principle is exactly that, the line is straight in concept, but it CAN go up and down. don't think 2-d on this, your soulmate could be in a similar straight line, except that by joining lines, s/he can reach the perfect life sooner.
okok, enough clive-ism... here's my problem. how can one kill thousands to save millions? and by killing those thousands, claim to have saved everyone because CHOICE was taken away?? If choice was taken away, like communism, but much more extreme than that, in order to save the world from ourselves. how would we be saved even though we are? without choice, we wouldn't have to worry, right?? but choices make up who we are, it's the road we take. how can there NOT be choice?! having the perfect life, but it's controlled by someone?? so the utopia for the world would actually be a dystopia for 1 person? how is it that by taking away choice, we would save ourselves, even though it's theoretically true?? (for better understanding, just knock off the kill thousands to save millions part, the point is that choice was taken away. i just want to make the situation more dire.)
i believed that "choice makes up who you are, if you don't have that, you're nothing" how would it be the perfect line if you have no points to make one. will this "line" actually be a line?? will it go any direction?? how?, and most importantly, why can this logic be applicable? ";_;"
this has been a theorist's announcement, "i've been crawling in the dark, looking for the answers..."
is there something more to this?
And the wind brought Clive @ 11:00 PM
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Wednesday, February 25, 2004 |
DARN YOU KELVIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::pauses for breath:: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you got fantasy and bethoven virus stuck in my head!!! not cool man, not cool...
ANYways, the mathquizzy was a flop, me no like, otherwise, nothing exciting happened today, cept theres that writing assessment tomoro, eeEEeee...
me wanna play more final fantasy tactics advancEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe!!!
so me go finish science now!! ja, ppls reading this, and if you got this far, you're good!
And the wind brought Clive @ 9:51 PM
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Tuesday, February 24, 2004 |
wow, this week was fantabulous...
i did a whole load of nothing all last week, and then i did a chinese hw mad dash on friday night. stress free my arse...
i am currently working on my lord of the rings essay. do you know when a teacher is on crack? when she assigns an essay for a movie that's supposed to be more fun and relaxing than work. yeah, ms waller is DEFINITELY on crack...
well...at least im almost done, unlike so other people i know ::winkjonwink::
oh yea, tapioca spicy chicken really needs more spice, jeebus, i swear i took that can of extra spicyness and took it from a lvl3 to a lvl10. i used like, 1/5 of the whole bottle. it was REALLY spicy, but it was REALLY good...
me goes finish now
ja ne!
And the wind brought Clive @ 12:23 AM
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wait wait wait...i mean i havent POSTED in the last couple of weeks. and plus, im trying out the new look, with all the borders added in. ima learning a lil html as i go along, LoL. pretty soon i'll have a webpage ::gasp:: yea right, like that'll ever happen...
anyways, i have like, 2 chinese essays to write, so im going to get busy
ja ne!
And the wind brought Clive @ 5:26 PM
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Friday, February 20, 2004 |
im doing some template work right now, and probably wont update for a week or two or three. but you know my life, it's weird, and it stays that way. what more do you need to know??
And the wind brought Clive @ 4:48 PM
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testing changes in mai blog...andrea, can you read me now...literally...
And the wind brought Clive @ 8:49 PM
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Thursday, February 12, 2004 |
forgot to blog yesterday, too damn tired...
well, yesterday was a milestone day for me. i conquered...oh...3 huge fears in my life.
1. i learned how to ride a bike (yes, i AM aware that im a deprived child)
2. i killed a mega tonberry!
3. i kicked chac's sorry BE-HIND, and got the fist from zaon
well...more like accomplishing 3 huge goals, same idea...
oh rite...looks like i can get service learning time afterall...
oh, and today was ghey... dark crisis booster pack was disappointing, metallizing parasite-lunatite. i wanted a vampire lord, XD.
me go bedding, ja
And the wind brought Clive @ 11:57 PM
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Sunday, February 08, 2004 |
well, i havent posted in a while... i didn't even post on the 27th, or on my birthday. oh well, i guess this thing lost it's old charm. who knows, i might ditch this and go get an LJ. then again, i might not... who really knows??
well...27th was uneventful... who would have known, i've officially spent more than half my life in the US than in HK... i guess im becoming overamericanized. not that it's a bad thing though... i was looking at old pictures of my room, the living room, etc of the first day i came to the US. heh heh...my living room changed alot... though my room looks about the same, just now, it has a lot more clutter. overall, my americanization was a long, painful, and somewhat boring thing. "^_^" oh well, can't have everything ne??
on the 30th. oooOOooOoo PE and french finals. margie is SO cruel...making me go drag queen on my birthday... at least she gave me a birthday present, unlike a lot of other people, who didn't say anything... ça va... birthday wasn't really happy, though i had fun being a girl for 15 minutes. god...dresses are so...so...constricting...how do you girls deal with them?! and the whole lipstick/eyeshadow thing, how do you keep that stuff ON all day long...jebus H chirst... it felt like inedible lip gloss/ old scented chapstick. EWW!!! at night, i wanted to go to ninas fine dining, but hey, wouldn't you know? they were closed...::sigh::... macaroni grill was good though, i had people sing to me in italian and got free drinks. i thin the best part of the day was me, sitting on the couch, watching ghostbusters, lmao. oh yea, and i stayed up till 1 doing chinese hw too.
this week's been pretty good SO far, i mean, who doesn't like basketball instead of regularly scheduled PE. oh yea...clive is good when the going gets tough, LoL...
added on to clive's obsession list:
Get Backers (PLZ Justin, let me borrow it for this weekend, PLZZZZZ)
konjiki no gash bell (hmm, it IS cool, though iono where to find more episodes)
now, its time for some math, a lil english, and a BIG sci project. wish me luck! "^_^"
ja
And the wind brought Clive @ 6:15 PM
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Wednesday, February 04, 2004 |
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